Poems from My Novel

Proofread your own writing and you'll see it differently.  Ohhh . . . I have seen my errors.  I've read over the poems I wrote for my novel and nearly every one of them I had to revise.  Even so, I am still not satisfied.  Terrified by my blunders, I have corrected them.  Doubling  the work, it takes work to revise them.  Can a chef be satisfied with his own meal he cooks up?  Can any artist be complacent with his work?  No, not at all.  But I have re-edited some of my previous poems I posted  months ago.  So I cannot say for certain this is the final version that will end up in the novel, but it is the second re-edited version to date.  I hope you take a moment to see the difference.  I have added more rhymes and alliteration to my poems.  I have likened in linking the story or the paragraph.  And alliteration, stark (outer part), sentences which begin with a  conjunction (e.g. "and," "but," "or") links the ideas and story together as a whole unit.  You can see alliteration in Lena and Lasse in the Pink, I used "B" words which have a percussive effect, and I've been using them to get the attention of the reader in my poems.  (Think "Ba Ba Ba Ba Bam" in Christmas song, "Little Drummer's Boy."  Without that "B" line, the song is missing a big gap.)  Lena and Lasse in the Pink has been formatted in French Villanelle.  See the difference from the November 6 post poems in my blog.  In Strut and the Reserved, I added "E" alliteration in Stanza 2, Line 1 because "E" words have a soothing effect.  The sentence uses turbulent words like "upend," "upturn," and "eddy," so I experimented using "E" words when the sentence has more turmoil.  How do you feel when you read it?  Relaxed or perturbed?  Additionally I have added more "S" alliteration throughout my poems but "S" words generally connote deception.  "S" is one of the most commonly used alphabet words people use.  Even in children's book, you'll read "Boy sees dog."  In Strut and the Reserved, stanza 2, line 2, I used "S" words in a row.  How do you feel when you read it? 



Lena and Lasse in the Pink

In springtime of years—we are in the pink,

Ah, in prime—the salad days, the green years,

A young novelty, lady and lad meet,

It’s at a superb party, on the eve,

Like a gulf of Israelis, Palestine,

In springtime of years —we are in the pink,

The maiden, blind and bleary to the drift,

The dazzling lights to her budding years,

A young novelty, lady and lad meet,

The dews of the grass gleams and by its glint,

Sets out a dream, a mystic make-believe,

In springtime of years —we are in the pink,

She fancies crème de la crème, the elite,

His sacred words to rank first and beat,

A young novelty, lady and lad meet,

She tugs at her heart, softens to who ekes,

So she comes amiss, from the previous, 

In springtime of years —we are in the pink,

A young novelty, lady and lad meet.

  

The Strut and the Reserved

Compelled by a crave to nick, mill his mark,

For weeks he kept by his bid and held on,

By this I crouched to a chase of a die-hard,

But in suite, I ail, afflicted in awe,

His psyche upturns, evert the eddy,

Mark that struts only by his bloated head,

None of it true, only in his mind,

But mine, my river flows quiet and quelled,

By then, his rip tide rise—rippled, billowed,

He plumes, preens and huffs his hauteurs,

The stream I ride spurt in windless waters,

I hid in the ring, under a bushel,

He paraded around and said, “Mind, Look, See!”

Coveting cynosure for eyes on him,

Nothing of two houses abut flowered,

But surely demoiselle will sow and sprout,

Tis another story mark in time.