When it has to be said in a few words . . .

Tom Brokaw at the Berlin Wall, 1989

During the last few decades the fall of Berlin Wall has made one of the historic news worldwide.  Either you have read iti or watched it on paper or television.  Tom Brokaw reported it on NBC (I watched him when I was young). 


But what if a reporter cannot afford to spend his time to summarize his report.  What does he do?  Say it in as few words as possible but make each word count.  Make each and every sentence count.  Say it in a way that sticks to viewers.  Historic or not, the audience only has few minutes to digest the report. 


Here is Tom Brokaw's report (revised in few words and sentences) on the fall of Berlin Wall back in 1989:

Good Evening.  From the west side of Berlin Wall at Breninberg Gate, I’m Tom Brokaw.  Currently at East Berlin gate, you can hear the thump and pummel din.  Witness tonight -- not hammers and signals, but hammers and chisels-- as young Berlin citizens take down the wall inch by inch.  Earlier this evening, the communist central committee in East Berlin proposed an action program that includes free elections and the democratic coalition government.  Tonight, East and West German citizens chant, dance, and serenade to the crumbling of the wall, a symbol of what was once a divided country.  Thousands of East Berlins have been pouring into West Berlin since the borders opened and tonight, the city, famous for its carefree nightlife that sings ‘life is a cabaret.’  Tonight in Berlin, it is freedom night.  But some of the celebrants may have gone too far.  And some had to be dragged away.

This is the East Side of the Breninberg Gate.  All day long, thousands of East Berliners have been crossing into freedom.  Many stopped and perched precariously on top of the wall, celebrating the end to isolationism from their neighbors.  Many danced and many drank; many also set off fireworks.  Either from a fight or fall but some were.  But in any event, they had to be carried away by East Berlin police. 

The Berlin Wall, a line between communism and democracy, was torn down yesterday as East Germany opened its borders for travel and immigration.  But today cement and mortar of this graffiti wall were knocked down.  And not just by kids.  No, not at all.  By the hands of East German soldiers and their citizens, the wall has come down.  After nearly three decades, mob of German citizens were out on the streets and Germany would change and made whole again.

So the Berlin Wall is a far cry from the symbol of Cold War tonight.  The cold sewn area is alive with a mob of thrilled young Berlin citizens, setting fire and ablaze, raving at the high octane scene tonight, as the west breach the east.  Like New Years Eve only multiplied because you live it only once.  The years spent on isolation finally ends; hence the rejoicing of a new union and a newly joined country now begins. 

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View the original annotated text:

Good Evening everyone.  From the west side of the (UNIFY PARAGRAPH:  repeat key term)Berlin Wall at the Breninberg Gate, I’m Tom Brokaw.  (COMPELLING:  Series of details) [consider Embellished opening] The gate is at East Berlin gate of course and the [add adjective – sounding/”-ash”onomato word] thump and pummel din sound that (DRAMATIC: direct address) you hear, and what you’re [drab word; replace] seeing witnessing tonight is (DRAMATIC: reversal) not hammers and signals but hammers and chisels as young [choose more concrete noun]  people Berlin citizens take down this wall gradually (inch by inch) bit by bit.  (Embellished opening) Earlier this evening, the communist central committee in East Berlin proposed an action program, including free elections and the democratic coalition government.  Tonight, [consider subject] citizens from both East and German Germanys citizens [change to Active Verb] are singing and dancing chant, dance and serenade on to the [concrete descriptive] wall itself.  a once divided country.  Reunited right on top of that are symbol of division.  Thousands of East Berlins have been pouring into West Berlins since the borders were opened and tonight in this city, famous for its carefree nightlife, in the city where the song said, ‘life is a cabaret.’  Tonight in Berlin, it is freedom night.  (LINK: Start with Conjunction; COMMENT)But some of the celebrants appear to have gone too far.  (LINK: Start with Conjunction)And some had to be dragged away. 

(EMPHATIC: 1-Syllabel Opening) This is the East Side of the Breninberg Gate where thousands of East Berliners have been crossing into freedom all day long.  (PARALLELISM) Many stopped and perched precariously on top of the wall, celebrating the end to isolationism from their neighbors.  They’ve been dancing, drinking danced and drank and setting off fireworks.  We don’t quite know what happened to these people whether Either they’ve been in a fight or they just fell fall, they had to be.  (LINK: Start with Conjunction; COMPEL:  COMMENT) But in any event, they did have to be carried away by East Berlin police.  

(UNIFY PARAGRAPH:  repeat key term) The Berlin Wall, that ominous area between communism and democracy was torn down symbolically yesterday when East Germany opened its borders for immigration and travel.  (PARALLELISM; LINK: Start with Conjunction) But today, sections of the wall [detail – nouns:  e.g. cement, mortar, graffiti] its cement, mortar of this graffitied wall are being [change to Active Verb] were knocked down physically.  (POWER, DRAMA: Reversal) Not just by kids but [consider another noun/subject; repetition: preposition; Place in Front as Subjects “But today, by the hands of East German Soldiers, as well as its citizens . . . ] No, not today.  Today, by the hands of East German Soldiers and its citizens by soldiers of East Germany as well as citizens. the wall came down.    Mob of hads been out on the streets and into the neighborhoods and they’re about to be made whole again after nearly three decades. 

(UNIFY PARAGRAPH: Signal what’s to come; repeat key term) So the Berlin Wall is a far cry from the symbol of Cold War tonight.  The cold, sewn area is alive with [another descriptive word: series of adjectives, nouns] excitement  a mob of thrilled young Berlin citizens, setting fire and ablaze at the high octane scene tonight, as the west breach the east.  (COMPELLING:  Analogy; EMPHATIC; 1-SYLLABEL OPENING SUCCESSIONS – IT) It’s like New Years Eve, only better here because it’s not celebrated in so many years.  It’s as if all the [consider stronger metaphorical noun with descriptions] energy put forth isolation is being spent on joy and a new beginning.   The isolation finally ends; and the rejoicing of a new union and a newly joined country begins.  Here’s Martin Fletcher.